Keeping it simple

In many ways, being in Grad. School/Seminary is incredibly overwhelming. Do you ever try to read something--maybe an article online--with somebody else, and the other person is reading much faster than you, so they turn the page/scroll before you're ready, and you feel like you're missing half of the article? That's something of what grad. school feels like... like I want somebody to slow things down so I can actually process them and fit it all together and analyze things. Unless I want to take one class per semester and be a student for life (which I wouldn't mind all that much, if it didn't feel so impractical), I'm realizing that will never happen.

Anyway, in spite of not being able to actually take in all of the complexity of what I'm supposed to be learning, there have been some big themes which I've noticed.... those paradigm shifters, those lightbulb "a-ha!" moments. In example, marital counseling is complex, because people are complex, which means the more people you're dealing with at once, the more complicated things get. But, there is a basic concept which lays the foundation for a growing marriage: People need to feel valued. Why does it hurt when your spouse uses that tone of voice towards you? Because it feels like they don't respect you. Why do arguments escalate, with two people doing everything they can to prove their points? Because not being heard and understood makes it feel like others don't think you're worth listening to and understanding. Of course, this is pretty simplified and generalized, but it makes a lot of sense to me.

This isn't just a secular self-promoting perspective. Replace the word "value" with the word "love": "People need to feel loved." God doesn't tell us to love one another just to give us another commandment to keep us busy. It's because He created us and knows what we need.
So I just wonder how many relational problems would simmer down or dissipate if we were just willing to be more clear with people about how much we value them. Most of us don't have a problem noticing what we are unhappy about, what we don't like, what the weaknesses of others are, what mistakes others have made, etc. But we've all probably had relationships--with parents, teachers, bosses, etc.--where it felt like they always criticized but never encouraged us. It's exasperating. So what if we balanced our words more so that we didn't express as many criticisms/complaints and expressed more encouragement/affirmation? I dare you to try.

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